“Wah wah wah,” everybody cries. “The INSANITY workout is too tough. INSANITY chewed me up and spat me out a broken shell of a man.” Oh, come on. Anybody can do INSANITY, and I’m going to tell you how. It’s true, fine, I’ll concede that if you do INSANITY in the manner that Shaun T expects, you’ll probably look like road kill by the end of the workout. But who says you have to do it that way? Here’s how to get through the sixty days of INSANITY without even breaking a sweat.
The key lies in gaming the Fit Test. Most people will foolishly throw themselves into this, trying as hard as they can to pump out as many Globe Jumps, Suicide Jacks, whatever. They’ll give themselves a heart attack, and then dutifully write their numbers down. Then, two weeks later when it comes to performing it again, they’ll see that their numbers haven’t gone up that much, or not as much as they hoped, and be crushed. Ha! Amateurs. The trick is to underperform on the first Fit Test. Cruise through it. Do a couple here, a couple there, and then if you did only 10 of the Brain Exploderators or whatever by the end of the minute, don’t worry. Because in two weeks time, it’ll be easy to more than double your results.
Second, during the actual workouts, listen to Shaun T. He actually tells you to take water breaks during the exercises, not only when it’s officially time. Sure most people hang in there, gasping and flopping about like fish out of water waiting for the official water break to come, but you can’t be blamed if you take Shaun T’s every suggestion to take a water break to heart? So yes, every time he suggests you stop if you need water, a breather, do just that. Hey, he’s the boss, right? You’re just following orders.
Third, become the ultimate stickler for form. Shaun T says over and over again to never compromise form. So don’t. Speeding up makes your technique sloppy, so go nice and slow, and be precise, exact. Make sure you are making perfect upward sweeps of your arms during your Suicide Jacks. Make sure each movement is precise, wonderful, a gorgeous example of what should be performed. Ok, you sacrifice speed and thus end up doing half or less of the reps that everybody else does, but again: Shaun T told you to watch form. So just do it.
If you do that, you’ll rock Shaun T INSANITY. Your Fit Tests will show incredible gains. You’ll ensure maximal hydration, and will never lose form. True, you might not break a sweat, but hey, perfection requires sacrifice. And the next time you hear some totally ripped INSANITY graduate boasting about how they nearly died doing the workout? Just snort from the comfort of your LAZY BOY and shake your head as you guzzle down some more Coke and chips. INSANITY. It’s as hard as you want it to be, which means it doesn’t have to be very hard at all ;)
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